eyes.of.a.child.

the other day i was playing frisbee with my housemates in the park a few blocks down from our house, and once after i passed it i looked over my shoulder, and there was a little boy about three feet high, looking wide-eyed at me with a futbol at his feet. he stared at me for a few seconds, then very calmly yet expectantly kicked the ball to me, so i took a time-out from frisbee to pass the soccer ball back and forth a few times with this audacious chiquito, little boy, before he wandered back to his friends and big brother, and i joined back into the frisbee circle. a few minutes later i glance behind me again and this kid is looking up at me and as soon as i meet his eyes he kicks the ball to me again, and we go through the same little game a few times, on and off again, until it's time for me to go back home. and the whole time i'm thinking, wow, in a neighborhood like this, how is this child still so trusting that he'll spontaneously share his soccer ball with a complete stranger, a grown-up(ish) white lady he's never seen before? how long will it be before that trust fades, gets disillusioned or violated? i mean, in that moment i was blessed somehow with the ability to mostly just savor the joy-drops of that innocent exchange, but now i can't help but wonder - how long before he notices the shattered glass on the sidewalks and the gunshots at night, before he gets offered weed or speed or worse? will his family be able to send him to a good school? will he stick it out and graduate, or will he drop out like 30% of students in Camden have done in recent years? will he find strong friendships among his peers, or will he search for his sense of belonging in a gang? will he gain a sense of accomplishment and adventure from his schoolwork and sports and other creative, constructive activities, or will he seek the darker thrills of getting drunk or high, of defacing neighborhood edifices, setting fire to abandoned buildings, or other destructive paths? how much choice will he feel like he has in the matter? will he be able to find a job? will he go to college? there's certainly hope for him, but also plenty of reasons for hopelessness, i'm learning.

my eyes have been opened to many reasons for these issues by participating in community actions and discussions with a local group called CCOP (Camden Churches Organized for People). i'm going tomorrrow to a church across town to join a troupe of my fellow Camden residents, pastors, priests, Franciscan friars, non-profit workers and volunteers, and children, to meet and dialogue with NJ governor Jon Corzine. here's my very brief, very broad-brushed synopsis of why:

seven years ago, Camden was deemed to be in a state of emergency, and control of the city was taken into state government hands. three years later (four years ago), leadership changed, promises were made, resources were found, and the people thought there might be reason to hope for better things for Camden. but here we are, coming up to another election season, and the leadership has not been accountable, promises have not been kept, resources have not reached the needs, and the people would like to remain hopeful, but the reasons seem few and dim except for our ultimate hope and faith in God's love in the midst of suffering. so, some faith-full citizens are determined to let their voices be heard, to speak up for those in Camden who live in fear and hurt and lack of opportunities. here's the media advisory about it; stay tuned for more about the 'why' and 'what' after it happens.

in the meantime, we pray, pray, pray...and turn our eyes upon Jesus who sees the child inside and the path ahead of all of us...

camden.gets.funky.

last night, for our 'community fun night', we headed over to the Camden waterfront area, which has been developed in recent years with an Aquarium and a Children's Garden and a boardwalk along the Delaware River. browsing for local events online, we stumbled onto this and decided to check it out.

Courier Post online photo

delighted to find free parking just across the street from what promised to be a fantastic free concert, we weren't too fazed by the numerous smashed beer bottles and cases strewn about the lot; we encounter these every day just walking the four blocks between our house and the church. so we made our way down to the crowd at the foot of the Wiggins Park stage, set with a perfect view of the Philadelphia nighttime skyline (pictured above during daylight and below at night). and were pleasantly surprised by the high-energy, wholesome blend of soul/funk/rock/gospel music streaming live from the speakers and infusing the audience with some in-your-face hope-in-spite-of-everything, with the audacity to dance their hearts out or the freedom to lay out on the grass and let the soundwaves wash over them. thanks to the Robert Randolph Family Band, the "most-often-stuck-in-my-head" award these days goes a little like this... "you're a shining star, no matter who you are, shining bright to see what you could truly be..."

just across the water, at the Penn's Landing riverfront area of Philadelphia, free festivals like this are common all summer long. in fact, probably a good portion of the people milling around last night came over via the Ben Franklin Bridge to enjoy one more end-of-summer bash, with a little change of scenery. but in Camden, it is a significant and triumphant step to put on such an event and hope, por favor, that it will happen again next year. and it doesn't solve any of the massive headaches Camden faces, doesn't exactly alleviate poverty or improve education or reduce violence or any of those urgently necessary things, but i do think the presence of events like this is important sometimes. to create space and an environment where people can celebrate the good and the possibilities in life together, or at least escape from some of its stresses and pressures. to rain down a little joy-burst on the dust and busyness of our lives. to remind us of the starlight within...

spanish.crashcourse.coming.up.

so, the sweetest thing happened to me last night right before ESL class - this tiny, well-wrinkled yet wiry Mexican lady comes into the church basement where we have the classes, and we think she's there to register for english class, right? no. she points straight at me, so i come over to her and she wraps me in a giant hug (although she only comes up to my armpits, well maybe shoulders, almost, she fits under my chin for sure), calling me "mi hijita, mi hijita", and when she finds out my name is Anna she says "ahhhhhhh! anita, anita!!!", and says (in spanish) she wants me to teach her to read and write in Spanish, and will i tutor her twice a week for two hours? well, i looked at my schedule and i really only had one afternoon a week where i could do that, so i offered that, and she was overjoyed but kept teasing me to make it two days a week, but finally we agreed to start with one day a week, and... i'll see her on monday! to teach her spanish literacy and grammar! craaaaazinessssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she wrapped me in several more hugs and chattered away to one of the other ESL teachers who speaks Spanish, before she left, trailing a bubble-bath of smiles. she had just disappeared out the door when i realized i didn't even know her name!!! luckily she was still on the stairs, so i caught her and got her phone number and found out her name, etc.

so here's what i know: i will be spending two hours a week with an absolute BUNDLE OF JOY. i am... inexplicably excited about this. who knew i would be doing this?? who knows if i even have the ability to??!!! but somehow, i feel more confident about this small assignment that i am certainly NOT qualified for (only remotely, at best), than i feel about the three main ministries i've chosen that i actually have some college education in. go figure. pray for me!

new.home.base.

here's what's been blowing my mind a little each day since august 15:

i live in Camden, New Jersey. this is a home of mine now. this is where i will sleep, eat, sing, dance, garden, teach, learn, cook, clean, speak, listen, walk, run, read the newspaper, surf the internet, drive a minivan, smile, cry, swing in the park, buy groceries, take out the trash, pray, and breathe for the next eleven months.

Camden is one of the poorest cities in the United States - for the past several years it has consistently ranked in the top 3 for crime and poverty. there are over 4000 abandoned properties scattered throughout the neighborhoods, where drugs are bought and sold like hot cakes. i live in Cramer Hill, which is in north Camden, probably one of the nicest sections, with an active community development corporation (the CHCDC) that has helped to create much safe and affordable housing, and yet just two blocks down the street from me is a row of three houses that have been sitting abandoned for about 20 years, during which multiple fires have burned out their insides, and if you just push on one of the sideboards with your pinky finger it flaps back and forth - this thing is ready to fall anytime. it's been labeled an 'imminent hazard' by the city since fall 2008, which means that it should have been demolished, at the absolute latest under LAW, by about 10 months ago. and yet it still stands. 'still stands tall', according to the Courier Post today which carried the story of the local churches' action to try to get the city to take care of this dirty business. i was there.

;-) i carried a banner and a cardboard bulldozer. you can read the story and look at pics here.

i have three housemates - one girl and two guys - who are working with the same program, Franciscan Volunteer Ministries. we like to drink tea and laugh together. i'm excited to get to know them more.

there's so much more i could say about my past 13 days of living here, and about what my day-to-day activities for this year may look like (my schedule is still kind of in process of being developed), but i mostly want to say that everyone i've met here has been wonderfully kind and welcoming. a neighbor down the street told us how he makes sure everybody puts their trash out so that it's easier for the trash man to pick it up. a lady from our church gave us an overflowing basketful of peppers and tomatoes and eggplants and canteloupe from her garden. a man at the HIV/AIDS hangout center gave us a heart-felt concert of Michael Jackson karaoke. the maintenance man at a recently-shut-down Catholic school across town lent us his truck and his own sweat and effort to help move all the textbooks, gym equipment, computers, and other useful materials to the school here, which hasn't had enough money to buy new things for years. so he helped us move it all, and then he gave us several bags of mocha cappuccino mix from the coffee company he works for. the lady who runs the HIV/AIDS ministry just brought pasta, rolls, and salad over for us for dinner, since we were working on that school job all day. our supervisor, Father John, canceled one of our meetings one day and just took us to a nature preserve on the banks of the Delaware river and we walked the trails and shore for a while.

i think it's gonna be a good journey.

momma.kolkata.says.

[she was born on August 26, 1910 in what is now Skopje, Macedonia. she always celebrated her birthday on August 27, though, because that was the day of her baptism. she died on September 5, 1997. happy birthday, Mother Teresa. and happy going-to-be-with-Jesus day, too.]

by Arabinda Aich

by Maqbool Fida Husain

Love has a hem to her garment that reaches the very dust. It sweeps the stains from the streets and lanes, and because it can, it must. - Agnesë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu, aka: Mother Teresa

by Quiccs on deviantart

[may i be a stitch in that hem, not afraid to brush the dust and be soaked in the sweat and tears of the world. and may that hem sweep inroads into me, 'come be my light'. bolomde]

lately.life.loves.mystery.

so here's how Life's been loving me lately:

- two and a half weeks in lovely Pennsylvania, visiting friends and helping out at the Holy Donut [the office building where the American Baptist International Ministries mission center is housed, which happens to be shaped like a giant Lifesaver] and learning to drive in a city again and helping out/enjoying Frazer Mennonite Church's annual Peace Festival, and hearing a friend preach and another friend teach Spanish and another friend serenade me with her glorious voice and guitar, and interviewing at Franciscan Volunteer Ministries (FVM) sites in Philadelphia, Camden, and Wilmington, and attending a peace theology conference at Eastern University, and meeting with the human resources rep of Mennonite Central Committee (MCC), and making Indian food with a friend, and enjoying freedom, and encouraging peace, and listening to jazzy ladies sing in my car on my solo road trip back to Wisconsin

- acceptance into the year-long program with FVM to be part of their inner-city ministries, living in prayerful community with a few other volunteers and working probably in some combination of teaching ESL, engaging in community organization, serving meals or distributing food to families, giving kids and youth things to do after school, and possibly starting a choir in a women's prison. insh'allah/si Dios quiere ;-)

- dialogues with a couple of other organizations about getting applications in process for possibilities after this year

- safety in bringin me back to Green Lake ;-)

- summer haircut, so light off the shoulders!

- sweet visits with friends from Taylor who stayed with me here for a week! and bittersweet goodbyes.

- grace to calm screaming toddlers who miss their mommies while i take care of them during the day at the Children's Center. "Miss Anna, um, can I go poddy? Miss Anna, can we go outside? Miss Anna, can you read me this? Miss Anna, he hit me... Miss Anna, bye, see you later!" praying peace, precious ones.

- i just found this quote while browsing the website of Christa Wells, whose Frame the Clouds album has been on repeat on my mp3 player these days:

"I want to be known (if I am to be known at all) as one of the great lovers of life. I want to make love to these days in new--or at least tender and timeless--ways, to make the trees sigh and the sky kneel for a closer view. (If a few others close their eyes and smile for a few moments with me, it is enough.) I want to dip this paintbrush pen into the best places of my heart--those places I have all but forgotten--and paint pictures that might convince even me that I was not born in vain.

We will write to go about the work of saving our lives.

Tentatively, new words come like a still small voice. This is my unspoken request. By some miracle, I ask that my life be a work of art, even if I never see it as such..." ~Linford Detweiler

- so much is still mysterious about my life, about how it intersects with other lives on this planet, about how to understand and connect with the One who is Life and Light and Love and the only true Peace for us all; there is so much i don't know. but i am willing to wait, to live in the unknown, the 'not yet'... and to keep on enjoying the journey, celebrating the adventure, and being precariously perched in the blessed mystery

it's.about.time.

time for weddings: my first classmate from high school got married Saturday, and i was almost crying along with his mother, because he was like my brother, and now he's all graduated from college and planning to work in a church for a few years and then move back to India with his beautiful WIFE, and it's all just such a mystery, how a young man would decide to lead a woman from her home, to take her on his arm and up to the altar and into his soul and all over the world. why would someone do that, take so much responsibility for another human life? that's crazy.

time for prayer meetings: on Sunday the Daudt's had all the Mu Kappa seniors over to their house, and again i was almost crying as i shared my summer plans and sketchy ideas of what i might do next year, and as people prayed for me and shared scripture that came to their minds, and then we heard everyone else's stories and situations and prayed over each of them, and it's all such a scary storm of wondering where and who and how and what we will be and do in our journeys after graduation.

time for guitar tabs: it never fails, right around the last few weeks of every semester, i always get the urge to pull out mi guitarra whenever i have a few 'free' minutes every day, and try to work up callouses on my fingertips and perfect the few little ditties i have memorized and try to add new chords or new songs to my repertoire. no matter how busy i am, regardless of how many papers and meetings and presentations i have to prepare or emails i have to send or errands i have to run, my itch to play only seems to increase as i get closer to the end. this time i decided to tackle the new skill of reading actual guitar tabs online for a few of my favorite songs by Rosie Thomas and the Weepies, because i've only ever looked at chord charts before, but that doesn't quite do it for these pieces. so now i've got a few new little licks i like to play over and over again, trying to get them just right and improvise in my own style, too.

time for cooking Indian food and baking cookies, time for planning road trips, time for breakfast dates and coffee dates, time for feeding little blue beta fish, time for singing like a big blue beluga whale with the alto section of Chorale, time for doing laundry and taking showers, time for getting to chapel on time for once...

there is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
~ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Dona nobis pacem. O God. Grant us peace. [it's about time...Jesus, would you, please?...]