srce moje...tracing the journey.

my beloved is in the process of leaving the Balkans, where he has made his home for the past three years. where I made my home for one glorious, complicated year.  and so my heart is in the process of reminiscing, looking back and letting go of the comfort of having that intimate link to a place i came to love so much, even though it broke my heart sometimes.

thinking of when i first arrived in Sarajevo in the middle of August and was instantly in love with the [wordiness alert, this is from my journal:] "clear sweet sunny days backdropping the gorgeous colorful mountainous landscape and the beautiful multicultural milieu of people in the cafes and goods in the markets and church bells ringing and minarets lighting up at night and imams intoning calls to prayer and the river flowing on and on under many bridges through the middle of it all..."

and the day i made to the journey from Sarajevo to Belgrade, reassuring myself that "as i leave this beautiful scarred city, i know i will survive and maybe even learn to thrive in the one i will soon arrive in... i think i am already growing in my ability to recognize the cyrillic letters and sound things out correctly when i see it.  bouncing inside the bus, through tunnels, alongside rock faces, past pine forests and fern patches, we have now come down from the high hills to a more rolling landscape of fields and small towns. hello hay bales and humble houses and huts. the little trickle that started hugging the road's curves in a shallow ditch a while back has since gradually widened into a lively stream and then a broad channel in a gorge below us - and oh - now we have crossed over it on a bridge and i can no longer see it from my side of the bus, but i know it is still there, feeding this land, quenching the thirst of people and creatures, carving its cool, calm power ever deeper and wider, branching off into new waterways, to spread the gift, the youth, the life."

i didn't always feel very youthful or lively for my first few months there. despite some wonderful moments, overall i felt more like this:

i struggled under some shadows of uncertain expectations and rocky living situations and frequent colds and sickness and feeling like a failure a lot of the time.

sure, i smiled in the sunshiny joy of my language lessons, my daily work of caring for little children with special needs, my mini-adventures of walking and navigating public transportation around the city, and texts like this from my coworkers when i was too sick to go to work: "ok dont vory bi god love you"

but it wasn't until, oh, about November that i finally started feeling comfortable in my skin and surroundings again.  i realize this is fairly typical cross-cultural transition timing, but there were also a few real changes that made a big difference.  i moved to a new apartment and "woke up under the skylight, blue sky with wisps of clouds floating by, the sound of the streets being washed and the pigeons flapping about. i tiptoed to look out to the adjacent rooftops where they perch and greeted them this morning...i went to the pijaca/market and had friendly exchanges with the people from whom i bought: a chunk of pumpkin, a bunch of paradajz i luk (tomatoes and onions), some mandarin oranges, pola kila pečurka (half a kilo of mushrooms), i 250g brusnica (dried cranberries)...and trudged delightedly back up the hill...passing Everest Kafe, and the Crna Kornjača, and a Zdrava Hrana (health food) shop, and some creative graffiti...i LOVE MY NEIGHBORHOOD!"

i started having more opportunities to travel around the region...to hike to a waterfall and play in the fall leaves or the snow or the spring flowers in Kosovo/Kosova...to go to concerts in Novi Sad...to spend time with MCC partners and regional directors in Sarajevo, and go hiking in the hills there...

life really blossomed.  blooming and growing, like edelweiss, the hills are alive, with the sound of music... :)

and i had awesome Canadian neighbors who moved in to the apartment below mine, and who invited me to share in their weekly crepes and their city-exploring adventures and their Christmas and Easter celebrations just like another daughter/sister...(and who dressed up as this endearing totem pole for the kindergarten's multicultural dress-up day!)

and i had a gig with a choir, a gospel choir! the only gospel choir in Serbia! who were the warmest, loudest, lovingest :) spiritual community i could possibly have been welcomed into. we sang all over Beograd, and in a few other cities, too.  music. friendship. joy.

and i had, unexpectedly, a boy, who tenderly cared for me when i was sick...who encouraged me to be gentle with myself and see the beauty in my role with the children...who traveled with me all throughout that "land of raspberries and honey-bees, hills and haystacks, abandoned houses and bullet holes, churches and mosques" ...who held me and helped me poetry-slam a bob dylan ballad when my grandpa and another dear friend in the U.S. died on the same day in May...who asked me if he could ask me to marry him yet, and then saw me off on the plane back to the States in July without a definite answer...who said YES YES YES YES YES when I asked him over Skype a couple months later!  who put the perfect eco-friendly vine-shaped ring on my finger this past December...who returned to the Balkans in January and has persevered through these final months of his term there... and who is coming home to me SOON.  srce moje...now we'll journey together for the rest of our lives.  God.es.good.

it's so easy being green...

especially with my newfound freedom of having a monthly transportation pass instead of having to find a kiosk and buy tickets every time i need to hop on a bus! feels so good...thanks to one of the kindergarten teachers who graciously took care of the process for me today and brought back my official Beograd transit system ID beautifully laminated with a space to put in the monthly ticket. yay!

so, now it is definitely easier to 'be green', in the sense of not wasting the paper of those tickets i would otherwise continue to buy, and the fact that i am traveling by public transportation vs. adding another individual gas-guzzling vehicle to the traffic jams, which i felt so guilty about doing every time i went into Philadelphia last year with our community van; however, that is not why i chose the title (which, if you're wondering, does refer to Kermit the Frog's lament that "it's not easy being green"). Zelena is actually the first color-name i learned, and still the easiest one for me to call to mind, for reasons that will become clear in the rest of my story. :)

i used my amazing pass for the first time this afternoon on the tram from the kindergarten to my language teacher's apartment, and during our session it turned out that i started having many amazing "aha!" moments of things clicking in the language center of my brain, sticking in my memory, and actually making sense when they came out of my mouth. i could also sense a significant decline in the number of times i felt compelled to fill in blanks with Spanish, although she still had to correct me to say ili instead of o for 'or'. there was much laughing involved, and some surprised/delighted looks on my teacher's face when i started making up my own sentences beyond what was in the book or what she initially asked, and even making some intentionally funny statements, as well as her patience and cooperation when i was trying to convey some slightly complicated ideas in a very roundabout way with my limited vocabulary. bravo! super! odlično! she tells me.

so maybe this will sound lame, but i know this was exactly how i needed to spend this friday evening: i felt like walking, so i decided to retrace all the steps we took last time i was escorted to church, to make sure i know my way there and back and have a sense of direction even if i decide to go a little off track. first i came from my language teacher's house to Zeleni Venac, a GREEN-domed plaza that serves as a hub for many buses, including the ones that take me to and from Zemun. from there the self-test was on. onto a popular pedestrian avenue, with numerous cafes and street artists and sladoled/icecream vendors. stopped to watch a guy create a glossy poster with spray paint techniques that eventually looked like some kind of graphic design with planets and pyramids and stars. kept going, past one fountain, past another fountain, then saw a brightly graffiti-covered wall that looked familiar, turned there, gained confidence a few blocks later when i passed a certain shop i recognized that sells fantastic fish sandwiches, i hear. :) somehow my mind's eye and body memory took me through every turn, just like we had done when i was half-blindly following my fast-walking friends the other day. past a park, around a couple of quick corners, down a residential street where i had to watch my feet for dog droppings, and finally i caught sight of a little blue placard with the street name on the corner of one building: Ulica...yesss, it's the right one!! SLAVA, HALELUJA!!! i wanted to jump up and down and punch the air in triumph and pride in myself, for now i really had a feel of exactly how far around that route was, and also had a very clear map in my head of how to return to the green dome by a much quicker way, permaneciendo (making permanent?) my personal landmarks in my conscious visual-verbal memory rather than just my subconscious bodily-kinetic memory. as i passed the church and read the sign, i gave it just a brief extra gaze and wink of gratitude, and continued on up the street, past a theatre and a monument, back to the pedestrian boulevard, and successfully through a little maze of turns and stairs at the point i had marked in my brain as a shortcut back to Zeleni Venac. now i was really on the verge of having my head float away like a helium balloon and my chest explode like a volcano with all the smiley feelings building up in there...

of course i kept a straight face...i feel like i'm constantly struggling to do that here...u Americi, my default setting when i pass someone on the street is to look at them and smile and possibly say hello, if they acknowledge me, too. not here...everyone seems so serious and professional, or if they're showing more emotion then it's solely focused on their friend or lover. i respect that, it could be a healthy thing, to not spread your emotional energy thin with trying to acknowledge every stranger on the street just for the sake of friendliness. although i think that can bring a certain joy and energy with it, as the effort to extend friendliness starting with a facial expression of goodwill can potentially cultivate a healthy outlook on life. ali, nema problema, mogu da učim, i can learn to contain myself, hopefully.

i think the moment of today i am most grateful for, however, was right when i was at the height of my pride-swell, halfway down the stairs that go under Zeleni Venac towards my bus stop, i glanced to the side and saw a little girl, probably 2 or 3 years old, with skin several shades darker than most of those swooshing past me, lying asleep in the arms of her mother who is sitting crouched against the side wall of the stairs, also more tanned than the norm, with uncombed dark hair...must be Roma. Gypsy. the wind in my sails quickly died down into a pang of silent guilt/misery/sympathy. as i understand their position (someone correct me please if i'm wrong or overstating this), their reputation and the often harsh conditions laid for their survival in society, they seem to be the European equivalent of the Indian 'untouchables' caste, the Dalits. for this little girl and her mother, life is not easy. the green dome and passageways under Zeleni Venac may provide a bit of shelter from harsh weather, but they don't get an EZPass out of the harshness of poverty and possibly homelessness. of course there are Roma who have 'made it' into a comfortable life and even fame as folk singers or politicians or scholars. but this lady sure looks like she hasn't made it, and God only knows if her daughter will get any better options.

meanwhile i get to my bus stop and board the bus with a heavy heart, yet also with hope. i am grateful to be working for an institution that puts a high priority on accepting special-needs and at-risk children, including Roma children, into its unique peace-cultivating education program. it is good to be reminded of how against-the-grain that is here; since it is all i have seen so far, it is hard for me to imagine the state-run kindergartens and schools where apparently there is much less care shown for kids who are 'different', and where a 'words not weapons' approach to conflicts is not necessarily modeled or expected to develop in the children. i am grateful that i get to be part of showing a different option, the peace-making option. the blessed option, that malo po malo, little by little can bring into being a bit of the dream of the blessed, beloved community, right here in Beograd. every morning when i enter this special kindergarten, i can sense that it already has.

and as the bus crossed the bridge, i was treated to a view of a sky ripening with various shades of pink and purple and peach, like a loving artist was just watercolor-painting them there as we rolled along, each passenger contained in their own private world, no way to tell who was noticing the beauty and who was just enduring their everyday routine ride home. i kept my secret awe held inside, all the way home, anchored by that green dome, the deep dark Dunav, i moj Gospod.

on a walk with one of my friends in Zemun

peace art: endings and beginnings

goodbyes and all sorts of little finish lines are starting to rain down from that dark cloud called 'the end of Anna's year in Camden'. the final session of the Camden Peace Art Project was held on Monday. St. Anthony of Padua school ended Tuesday, so no more Friday morning music classes with the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders. only a few weeks left until Francis House and ESL finish up.

and yet little seeds of new beginnings have sprouted from the same ground that tears up sometimes to think of leaving. the Peace Art mural unveiling and community rally was the first public action that i have had a hand (and a good chunk of my mind and heart invested, too) in actually organizing and emceeing!! rather than just participating or attending. possibly the beginning of a beautiful friendship, me and my buddy community organizing...i loved it! numbers in attendance were a little disappointing, because it was a weekday afternoon when a lot of people were still at work, and only a half day of school at St. Anthony's so we lost a lot of parents and kids who might have been there otherwise. but the message came through strong and clear, and apparently a few people thought it was worth listening to. !!!

the Philadelphia Inquirer ran an article on the front page of their South Jersey/B section;

the Catholic Star Herald gave us a pretty good review, too;

the Courier Post posted a series of photos here;

more photos can be found on the St. Anthony's Flickr photostream;

and there's a fantastic video on facebook that my boss, Katie Sullivan, program director of FVM, put together..don't think i can link to it, though..

so, Monday's celebration marked the culmination of our work, but only the beginning of the LOC's work to take back our park. we have to follow up with the city police who have put forth their intention of cooperation...we have to cuss out (politely) the county police and county parks management who assured us of their attendance and then called our organizer 20 minutes before the event and cancelled..because they're getting millions of dollars to put into renovating two waterfront parks...why would they care to come to an event that's trying to restore a little place in Cramer Hill? a little place with a big purpose, big needs, and big heart, which they obviously don't understand.

it's evident from the mural itself that this place is ready for new beginnings: the garden being tended, a kid being coached in baseball, a family posing in front of a sunrise, butterflies floating in the clouds, people holding hands around a beautiful tree...and these are not just pretty pictures, but these are the things that were 'won' from this process so far:

- Camden City Police Chief Thomson and representatives from the Mayor Redd office came together to publicly commit to keeping Von Nieda Park safe and clean.

- Camden City Police created bilingual flyers for the first time explaining illegal activities and fines in the park.

- Camden City Police will begin enforcing parking, littering, and public drinking ordinances in Von Nieda Park the weekend of July 10th, after a community relations campaign.

- Camden City Police impounded over 15 ATVs since the action County Parks Dept put up 10 new “No Parking/No Drinking/No Littering” signs around the park.

-Camden City Council passed an ordinance making parking illegal on the west side of 29th Street, where it has often been a hazardously congested area.

it's exciting that we have these commitments and possibilities, but i do confess my sadness that i won't be around for the next year to see it unfold...because, as some of you readers probably already know through different channels, i will be living in Belgrade, Serbia starting in mid-August! i'm excited to see what kind of mixture of darkness and light will be shed on my life there..and what kind of light and shadows i will be called to share...

dear friends, may we all take up our paintbrushes or pens or cameras or baseballs or soccer balls or whatever instruments of creativity and influence we are blessed to be able to use, and follow through on the call within us to care for the people around us.

peace art: insanity today. please pray. with a smile :)

Camden Peace Art Project has been working since the beginning of May with a local artist and our kids as well as kids from the Cramer Hill Little League to design and paint a community mural on the baseball building in our neighborhood park. This park has a reputation as a place where numerous drug deals happen daily, public drinking gets out of hand every weekend, hazardous parking and illegal vending and littering is rampant, and reckless ATV drivers endanger the people who come to enjoy the playground and sports fields.

So, we have taken this opportunity to collaborate with our church and local organizing committee and nearby residents to get a commitment from the city and county police that they will be more proactive in patrolling and enforcing the rules of the park so that we can preserve this community treasure as a safe, clean, and fun place for families to come. I have spent many hours this past week painting alongside the artist and kids of all ages, because TODAY, June 21, at 3:30 pm is the mural unveiling celebration and public rally.

It is already getting some attention, because a number of city officials and police representatives have agreed to come out and make a public commitment to taking action on these problems. Prayers are much needed for the success of this event and for continued cooperation of everyone to care for the park and to restore our streets.

This is the prayer on our hearts as organizers, from Isaiah 58:11-12,

"The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

La paz y el arte, amigos :)

i.saw.Jesus.tossing.water.balloons.

yes, throwing and welcoming the splash of water balloons on a steamy day. and doing the Hokey Pokey and the Chicken Dance and the Electric Slide. and sipping orange soda. and jumping in puddles. and sitting on the steps or the curb, watching the fun, too tired or strung out to jump in. and standing under a tent roof surrounded by sound equipment and speakers. and running down the street trying to fly a flimsy kite for the first time ever.

all at the same time, you ask?! oh yes, there was a lot of Jesus to go around at the St. Francis Inn's annual block party on Sunday.

if you looked closely, you might have seen Jesus watching over a little one in a stroller, with a beautiful bulging belly indicating another one on the way.

you might have seen Jesus running around, threading through the legs of the grown-ups, popping all the balloons he can get his hands on and wading in the kiddie pool fully-clothed.

you might have seen Jesus wearing tight jeans and an undershirt, or perhaps a sundress, or a sweatsuit, each pulling off a near-perfect zombie impersonation to Michael Jackson's THRILLER.

you might have seen Jesus wearing an outrageous clown hat and a brown habit, spinning records to keep the party funky.

you might have heard Jesus telling the saga of his real life science fiction fantasy powers and self-proclaimed guardianship of the party and genuine pleasure to meet you in snatches of intelligible speech to anyone who will listen.

you might have even taken the hand of a 3-foot-tall Jesus in a flowery lavender dress and danced in a ring with her and her grandma, and twirled her around a couple of times.

maybe next year you'll be there to see Jesus with a camera around her neck, snapping hundreds of pictures of the precious and crazy and ordinary moments that burst open and splashed us all with life that afternoon.

(photos by Katie Sullivan :)

peace art: journey to an endangered garden

one lesson i've learned so far at St. Anthony's is that a family-inclusive, weekend field trip is always a tricky thing...as much as you send letters home, ask for permission slips by a certain date, and call parents to confirm that they understand what's going on, you STILL never know if the people who signed up will actually come or not, or if they'll show up with extra parents, step-parents, cousins, older siblings, babies... yes, we encountered all of these last Saturday when we offered free admission to the Camden Children's Garden for 30...well, that was our original, optomistic goal but it turned out to be OVER 70/SEVENTY/SETENTA children and family members.

Miss N. and I had our hands full and our brains on bilingual overload trying to coordinate this unexpectedly gigantic group of mostly-Spanish-speakers. we knew it was going to be crazy, from the first moment of loading them on the bus, getting lost on the way there, arriving and unloading and meeting some families who drove directly to the garden, gathering them together outside the gates, assigning small groups of kids to chaperones, getting a final head count, buying the extra tickets, explaining the details of the day, handing out the maps and tokens for various attractions around the park, plus the disposable cameras so that each child could take some 'artistic shots' of things that interested them. and then finding out that we forgot to count one group in that 'final count', so going back in to the office to buy their tickets and hand them their materials... what a relief once they were all finally waved through the gates and set free to roam around on their own (with their chaperones at all times, of course! right? well...lucky for us, the Children's Garden staff seemed to all be looking the other way when some of them started wandering without their assigned adults!)

after all of that initial craziness, as Miss N. and i found some shade in a somewhat 'hidden' corner of the garden to sit and breathe in, we just had to marvel at how somehow, there were almost eighty people enjoying this little haven of the worlds of nature and art and education and pure fun all blended together - people who otherwise couldn't necessarily afford such an experience for their whole families.

once we caught our breath enough to start walking around, we saw some kids learning how to transfer plants into pots; some kids sticking their hands in compost and finding worm friends; some kids riding a train through a garden; some wandering through the butterfly greenhouse; some hiding in dinosaur eggs; some creating collages from recycled materials; crawling through rock tunnels and hopping on log stepping stones in the 'fitness garden'; riding the garden carousel; playing hide-and-seek in an 'underground maze'; hanging out in a treehouse; licking popsicles in Peace Plaza; and snapping plenty of pictures everywhere they went.

it was a beautiful day, and a beautiful sight to see not only the wonders of this garden designedfor children, but even more exciting than that, to see the garden of children growing, exploring, discovering, right before our eyes.

and here, here is a glimpse for your eyes to see...

this place is Camden's hidden treasure...not always accessible to the most hardpressed families, but still there and trying its best to stay affordable, and still providing seeds, starter plants, lime, fertilizer, and gardening advice and support to hundreds of community gardeners around the city. the Camden Children's Garden has been serving the community for 26 years as a non-profit organization with funding from the state of New Jersey, fully matched by private donations and grants. the agreement with the state is such that the state is supposed to reimburse the Children's Garden for funds already spent, in three installments throughout the year. they received the first reimbursement last fall, and were supposed to receive the second one in February, but instead received a letter from the state in March saying that they would not receive any more payment.

WHATTTT are they thinking???? has anyone who controls that state money ever SEEN the Children's Garden or the children growing in it and because of it??? have they ever even driven through a corner of Camden to see the difference between the thousands of trash-strewn abandoned lots vs. the ones the Garden has helped rehabilitate into flourishing sites of urban agriculture that are helping to address hunger, obesity, and food security in one of the poorest cities in the country??? have they ever talked to any of the 7000 city residents who have taken part in the community gardening program just this year, or any of the 15 at-risk youth who have been employed each year in their job and leadership training program??? how can the Governor honor the Garden with a Community Hero Award at his inauguration in January 2010 and then yank their funding RETROACTIVELY less than a month later???

what do they expect the Garden to do? they can't just take back all the salaries that were paid to their employees' bank accounts; they can't just yank thousands of vegetables and greens and flowers out of hundreds of gardens around the city; they can't just go back and erase all their operating expenses for the past six months, for which they were promised reimbursement.

here's the real rundown if you're interested in a more technical account of the situation, or if you're interested in calling or writing the Governor's office on behalf of the Garden...por favor!!!http://www.njsacc.org/wordpress/?p=3872

paz y bien

peace art: welcome to the mural capital of the world

sometimes i've heard Camden described as the armpit of Philadelphia. well, if we're the armpit, and Philly is an arm, then it is an arm covered in the creations of a multitude of collaborative tattoo artists.

um, WHAT?? in other words, the city is a larger-than-life artistic playground, with sides of buildings serving as the canvases, and cooperating groups of kids, youth, seasoned painters, sculptors, mosaic makers, state penitentiary prisoners, homeless men and women, historians, musicians, physicians, maybe even politicians, students, social workers, photographers, families and whole communities, all participants in the process of designing and painting and putting these in place.

we held our first Family Saturday field trip today, which entailed loading 35 kids, parents/guardians, and Miss N. and I onto a chartered school bus, crossing the Ben Franklin Bridge into Philadelphia (it was the first time for 3 of the kids ever getting out of Camden!), picking up a tour guide from the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program, and roaming from center to north to south Philly, stopping frequently at the side of the road to take a closer look at a few of the thousands of massive creations that have earned Philadelphia the title "Mural Capital of the World."

at one set of murals we were able to get out of the bus and walk right up to them. these particular murals were done by artists in collaboration with a group of prison inmates and a group of victims of violent crimes. the first one we came up to was called 'healing walls (inmates journey)', and it depicts a collage of things that contributed to the destructive patterns of behavior in their lives. the second one is called 'healing walls (victims journey)', and it shows an array of both the suffering faces and the healing forces that have helped them.

in this little slideshow, you'll see some pics of the kids soaking in the tour, and then some pics of my own personal favorite murals in Philadelphia. if you want to see more and pick your own favs (and even visit them if you're in the area!) you can go to www.muralfarm.org. they have a pretty sweet search engine that'll show you any type of mural you want to see and the address so you can find it.

but look out Philly, you've got competition. some kids from Camden just saw some of your best-kept secrets, got the insider's scoop from a lovely lady named Lisa who knows all the ins and outs of mural-making, and now they have an inkling of how to set their own city on fire with the desire to cooperate and beautify their communities.

and, God willing, they may be able to participate in making a mural of their own! as soon as we stepped off the bus back home in Camden, after taking the lovely/crazy group photo you see in the middle of the slideshow, we took a walk down a couple blocks to the local park's Little League storage building and concession stand, which currently has blank off-white cinderblock walls. there's a non-profit that wants to grant us the money for an artist to work with our kids to design and create a mural on it, to brighten up the neighborhood and deter graffiti and foster community pride and spirit. SI DIOS QUIERE! POR FAVOR! SI SE PUEDE!!!!!!!

peace art: watercolor wildness

"okay, so you tried spreading the paint around with a dry brush, you know how that feels...now see what happens when you add more water...see how the color moves on the paper...now try making a straight line...now a wavy line...now make a pool of plain water on part of your paper and put a drop of paint in it, watch what happens...and what does it look like if you dip your brush in water, then in a color, then in water again, and let it drip onto the paper? how about if you take a wad of paper towel and blot it on? what if you wet the paper towel a little first? okay now with your brush again, try mixing colors, either on your paper or in the palette...try with more water, less water...just experiment! see what you can do with it! all the different possibilities..."

patiently and energetically my fellow volunteer and passionate teaching artist, Miss N., gave these instructions and modeled what she meant, as the children listened and followed along at our most recent session of the Camden Peace Art Project. i followed, too! i never knew there were so many variations of techniques and textures to be explored in the wonderful world of watercolors.

and afterwards we went home and were somehow inspired to cut apart N.'s creations from that session, rearrange them on poster-board, and then she painted more watercolor between them to bring them together, and inscribed Langston Hughes poems over them. what wisdom. what peace. what wildness. :)

peace art: pastels for haiti

"what does peace mean? peace means taking care of

what does peace mean? peace means taking care of

what does peace mean? peace means taking care of

ourselves, each other, and the earth!"

children circle around me, some singing, some hesitantly mouthing the words, some confidently shouting out this little piece that has become the theme song for the Camden Peace Art Project. after music time sitting on the floor, we move to the tables and my co-leader, Miss N., begins to tell us and show us how to use oil pastels...shading, stippling, cross-hatching, straight lines and curved lines and wavy lines...a whole new world of artistic technique opening up in front of our eyes!
children's eyes crinkle up with excitement and thinking as they get to pick out colors and create designs for crazy hair and crazy faces to practice the different techniques. when they're satisfied with their creations, we draw the children again into a circle on the floor to prepare them for their next project, which will not only bring them the joy of creating, but also (we hope) bring some peace and comfort to some others in our community.

"okay, does anyone remember what happened last week on a little island?" eager hands go up, but more-eager mouths blurt out, "Haiti!" "earthquake!" "tsunami?" "no, crazy" "people got hurt" "people's house fall down" "lots of people die" "people hungry". yes, children. can you see the hurt in my eyes? "and did you know that we have some families from Haiti right here in Camden? they live and go to school and go to church just down the road from us, and they probably have family and friends who got hurt or maybe died in the earthquake. so, how do you think they are feeling right now?" ... "how would you like to make a card that we can give to these families? what would you like to draw on it and write on it? here, you can use what you learned with the oil pastels...and here are some phrases you can write in French or Creole, to let them know you are thinking of them and praying for Haiti..."

you should have seen these crazy kids settle down and get to work. well, they were still pretty rowdy, but hey, they really put their hearts into those cards. one of my favorites, by one of the rowdiest kids in the room, just said "I LOVE YOU HAITI".

i know, of course, that Haiti STILL HURTS, that a few hand-colored cards from a crew of Hispanic kids in Camden to a few Haitian families in Camden is not even a drop in the bucket of all the healing water that is needed to soothe the pain of so many people and enable such a wounded nation to walk again... but in the meantime, and in light of my lack of direct access to make a concrete difference in that situation... i'm pretty proud of my Peace Art kids, and their gift to their neighbors: pastels for haiti.

sing.hello.to.miss.anna.

thirty little voices chime each friday morning as i enter the classroom, "good morning, miss anna!" and we gather in a circle and sing hello to each child in 2nd and 3rd grade as we start music class. next door, in 1st grade, art class is just getting under way, under the guidance of my roommate and fellow Franciscan volunteer. in an hour we will switch classrooms, in an effort to provide every child at St. Anthony's School with weekly opportunities to exercise and develop their skills of creativity and appreciation for art and music.

this is a new, surprising, and surprisingly enjoyable part of my volunteer work now. the other volunteers and i have been meeting regularly with the school principal since the year began, to see when we might start coming into the classrooms, but because of the chaos of new leadership at the school, and a new federally-funded lunch program with mounds of paperwork and logistics to handle, these fine arts classes were simply not a priority. so finally, about five weeks ago, we were able to set up a schedule and start teaching. my roommate teaches all of the art classes, K-8; another Franciscan volunteer, who actually majored in music education, teaches kindergarten and grades 4-8, because those classes take place on Wednesdays, when i am teaching ESL, so i just take over on Fridays.

i'm still trying to learn every child's name; trying to help them remember that one finger means we're using our singing voices, two fingers means we're using our speaking voices, three fingersmeans we're using our whispering voices, and no fingers means we're using our listening (i.e. silent!) voices; and now trying to help them learn their parts for the Advent pageant which is taking place in less than two weeks!

"I, said the donkey, shaggy and brown..." - 1st grade is singing The Friendly Beasts. and the 2nd-3rd grade is performing a rhythmic chant about the journey of Mary and Joseph and their search for a place to stay in Bethlehem.

speaking of a place to stay - this weekend i've been staying with some family friends in Pennsylvania, the first time i've been able to get away and spend quality time with people i know outside of FVM since August. i'm so thankful for their hospitality, which included seeing the movies Gran Torino and Precious [both highly recommended...for open minds and compassionate hearts] and also the opportunity to attend their church this morning, on this first Sunday of Advent. it was refreshing and spirit-encouraging to be able to join my voice in full-bodied harmony with a close-knit, cross-cultural and cross-generational sanctuary-full of people. singing O Come O Come Emmanuel; singing hello and love to God, and peace to each other and the world.

in the coming weeks, may we all find our ways to sing hello, love, and peace to each other, whether with our mouths, our thoughts, or our actions. may we recognize and celebrate the ways we do see light bursting into darkness; love overcoming fear; our eyes opening to see Christ in every face we encounter. may we pray for homeless or hurting hearts finding safe places to stay and be cared for, and may we be willing to be part of that caring however we can. most of all, may we invite the God who Is Peace to sing God's own hello, love, and peace deep inside of us, so that we cannot help but be a loudspeaker for that music of abundant life.

eyes.of.a.child.

the other day i was playing frisbee with my housemates in the park a few blocks down from our house, and once after i passed it i looked over my shoulder, and there was a little boy about three feet high, looking wide-eyed at me with a futbol at his feet. he stared at me for a few seconds, then very calmly yet expectantly kicked the ball to me, so i took a time-out from frisbee to pass the soccer ball back and forth a few times with this audacious chiquito, little boy, before he wandered back to his friends and big brother, and i joined back into the frisbee circle. a few minutes later i glance behind me again and this kid is looking up at me and as soon as i meet his eyes he kicks the ball to me again, and we go through the same little game a few times, on and off again, until it's time for me to go back home. and the whole time i'm thinking, wow, in a neighborhood like this, how is this child still so trusting that he'll spontaneously share his soccer ball with a complete stranger, a grown-up(ish) white lady he's never seen before? how long will it be before that trust fades, gets disillusioned or violated? i mean, in that moment i was blessed somehow with the ability to mostly just savor the joy-drops of that innocent exchange, but now i can't help but wonder - how long before he notices the shattered glass on the sidewalks and the gunshots at night, before he gets offered weed or speed or worse? will his family be able to send him to a good school? will he stick it out and graduate, or will he drop out like 30% of students in Camden have done in recent years? will he find strong friendships among his peers, or will he search for his sense of belonging in a gang? will he gain a sense of accomplishment and adventure from his schoolwork and sports and other creative, constructive activities, or will he seek the darker thrills of getting drunk or high, of defacing neighborhood edifices, setting fire to abandoned buildings, or other destructive paths? how much choice will he feel like he has in the matter? will he be able to find a job? will he go to college? there's certainly hope for him, but also plenty of reasons for hopelessness, i'm learning.

my eyes have been opened to many reasons for these issues by participating in community actions and discussions with a local group called CCOP (Camden Churches Organized for People). i'm going tomorrrow to a church across town to join a troupe of my fellow Camden residents, pastors, priests, Franciscan friars, non-profit workers and volunteers, and children, to meet and dialogue with NJ governor Jon Corzine. here's my very brief, very broad-brushed synopsis of why:

seven years ago, Camden was deemed to be in a state of emergency, and control of the city was taken into state government hands. three years later (four years ago), leadership changed, promises were made, resources were found, and the people thought there might be reason to hope for better things for Camden. but here we are, coming up to another election season, and the leadership has not been accountable, promises have not been kept, resources have not reached the needs, and the people would like to remain hopeful, but the reasons seem few and dim except for our ultimate hope and faith in God's love in the midst of suffering. so, some faith-full citizens are determined to let their voices be heard, to speak up for those in Camden who live in fear and hurt and lack of opportunities. here's the media advisory about it; stay tuned for more about the 'why' and 'what' after it happens.

in the meantime, we pray, pray, pray...and turn our eyes upon Jesus who sees the child inside and the path ahead of all of us...

momma.kolkata.says.

[she was born on August 26, 1910 in what is now Skopje, Macedonia. she always celebrated her birthday on August 27, though, because that was the day of her baptism. she died on September 5, 1997. happy birthday, Mother Teresa. and happy going-to-be-with-Jesus day, too.]

by Arabinda Aich

by Maqbool Fida Husain

Love has a hem to her garment that reaches the very dust. It sweeps the stains from the streets and lanes, and because it can, it must. - Agnesë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu, aka: Mother Teresa

by Quiccs on deviantart

[may i be a stitch in that hem, not afraid to brush the dust and be soaked in the sweat and tears of the world. and may that hem sweep inroads into me, 'come be my light'. bolomde]

lately.life.loves.mystery.

so here's how Life's been loving me lately:

- two and a half weeks in lovely Pennsylvania, visiting friends and helping out at the Holy Donut [the office building where the American Baptist International Ministries mission center is housed, which happens to be shaped like a giant Lifesaver] and learning to drive in a city again and helping out/enjoying Frazer Mennonite Church's annual Peace Festival, and hearing a friend preach and another friend teach Spanish and another friend serenade me with her glorious voice and guitar, and interviewing at Franciscan Volunteer Ministries (FVM) sites in Philadelphia, Camden, and Wilmington, and attending a peace theology conference at Eastern University, and meeting with the human resources rep of Mennonite Central Committee (MCC), and making Indian food with a friend, and enjoying freedom, and encouraging peace, and listening to jazzy ladies sing in my car on my solo road trip back to Wisconsin

- acceptance into the year-long program with FVM to be part of their inner-city ministries, living in prayerful community with a few other volunteers and working probably in some combination of teaching ESL, engaging in community organization, serving meals or distributing food to families, giving kids and youth things to do after school, and possibly starting a choir in a women's prison. insh'allah/si Dios quiere ;-)

- dialogues with a couple of other organizations about getting applications in process for possibilities after this year

- safety in bringin me back to Green Lake ;-)

- summer haircut, so light off the shoulders!

- sweet visits with friends from Taylor who stayed with me here for a week! and bittersweet goodbyes.

- grace to calm screaming toddlers who miss their mommies while i take care of them during the day at the Children's Center. "Miss Anna, um, can I go poddy? Miss Anna, can we go outside? Miss Anna, can you read me this? Miss Anna, he hit me... Miss Anna, bye, see you later!" praying peace, precious ones.

- i just found this quote while browsing the website of Christa Wells, whose Frame the Clouds album has been on repeat on my mp3 player these days:

"I want to be known (if I am to be known at all) as one of the great lovers of life. I want to make love to these days in new--or at least tender and timeless--ways, to make the trees sigh and the sky kneel for a closer view. (If a few others close their eyes and smile for a few moments with me, it is enough.) I want to dip this paintbrush pen into the best places of my heart--those places I have all but forgotten--and paint pictures that might convince even me that I was not born in vain.

We will write to go about the work of saving our lives.

Tentatively, new words come like a still small voice. This is my unspoken request. By some miracle, I ask that my life be a work of art, even if I never see it as such..." ~Linford Detweiler

- so much is still mysterious about my life, about how it intersects with other lives on this planet, about how to understand and connect with the One who is Life and Light and Love and the only true Peace for us all; there is so much i don't know. but i am willing to wait, to live in the unknown, the 'not yet'... and to keep on enjoying the journey, celebrating the adventure, and being precariously perched in the blessed mystery