a well-meaning, God-loving lady was advising me today that a TESOL certificate is all well and good, but if i want an 'edge' in the field of teaching ESL, i should really look into continuing my education immediately after i graduate and getting a full teaching license right away.
of course, her main advice was to pray about it, which i admittedly, ashamedly have not done enough of. i was speechlessly amazed as she told story after story of how she would pray every day for years, or for months, or even just for minutes about something, and God would work things out so fittingly even though she didn't usually have a logical or long-range plan, and somehow it worked out for her to get a particular combination of teaching licenses and endorsements that wouldn't have been possible at any other time, in any other way, which now can give her an edge because those areas are in high demand and she's highly qualified.
but what if i don't want an edge?
what if i just want to serve for a while, wherever in the world will accept me, license-lacking as i am?
what if i want an edge in a completely different direction?
what if i'm not cut out to have this particular edge sharpened that much further?
what if i'm not sure i like how this edge aids the sword of the American empire to thrust ever deeper and bloodier into the hearts of other cultures, other nations, other tribes and tongues?
what if i don't mind just being on par with hundreds of other aspiring ESL teachers who want to help people and who just have a certificate in it?
why do we have this obsession with getting ahead?
i will always remember the dazzlingly counter-cultural thing one of my high school teachers said as he addressed my graduating class at our baccalaureate service: "i won't tell you to reach for the stars, because then your hands wouldn't be free to reach down and help others."
i'm sure i'm overreacting, overidealistic, and probably miscalculating my options. but in whose math? what if i don't want to stay on their graph?
i guess right now the thought of trying to amass more education and money-making potential for myself while i'm already 'ahead', already have bunches of 'edges' on most of the world's population [including the Palestinians whose universities and schools have been hit by more than a few made-in-the-U.S.A. bombs lately, and whose population now includes 1200 less human beings, mothers and fathers and daughters and sons than it did 21 days ago] - the thought of scrambling to spend more money to do more coursework to get a more desirable degree, before spending some time serving the people on the edges of society, on the edges of poverty and caught in conflicts - the brokenhearted, to whom God is so near - that thought just turns me off like a lightbulb that goes fizzle-pop-bzzz-dark.
goodnight now, i need to go pray about this instead of writing any more.
PeAcE
No comments:
Post a Comment