most of it is familiar by now. i sing. i sit. i stand. i kneel. i bow my head to receive a flinging of water from Father Jud. i sing again. sit again. stand. kneel. sit. stand. watch a line of people file forward to kiss the crucifix. sing again. hold hands to pray the Lord's prayer. share the sign of peace via hugs, handshakes, air-kisses, and the two-finger wave. sit. stand. sing. watch line of people file forward to receive the Eucharist. sit. kneel. stand. bow head to receive the benediction. cross myself because i really do want to be a living moving loving image of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. amen.
and then i am whisked downstairs and given a white robe. told to sit while several women hover around my head, wrapping it in a blue sheet, and draping another blue-green sheet around my shoulders. Maria, Maria. now you are ready. si? vamonos!
we go outside, to the front of the church where la gente, the people are gathering. a fire department van is parked on the curb, door open and microphone at the ready so the readings and reflections can be heard by the multitude. police were supposed to come at 1:30 and block off River Road so we could safely walk the route of La Via Crucis, Stations of the Cross, but they're late, so a few usher-men with muscles stand guard at the edge of the crowd, waving traffic past us slowly, one at a time.
la primera estacion: Jesus is condemned to death. Pilate asks what the people want and the crowd cries, "crucificalo! crucificalo!" i shake my head helplessly, "no, no".
the second station: Jesus carries his cross. los soldados, the soldiers prod him on with stinging flicks of rope. i follow several feet behind, surrounded by a group of similarly-draped women. wailing. someone i love is going to die.
la tercera estacion: Jesus falls for the first time. i feel the clatter of the cross on the pavement in my bones. the women around me whisper, "llora, llora mas fuerte, Maria; cry harder, Mary". it is not hard to do as they say.
the fourth station: Jesus meets his mother. me. by this time the women are holding me up, physically supporting me through the convulsions of mourning, protesting against what is being done to my son. suddenly i break out of their arms, screaming, "!MI HIJO! !MI HIJO!" grasping towards him, let me touch my son! but the soldiers push back, grab my arms and return me to my place with the women, who rub my back and soothe my shuddering frame. i didn't realize how much grief energy that would actually evoke from me. i kneel. Maria, Maria. madre de Dios. ruega por nosotros pecadores, ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte, amen. we move on. the rest of the walk goes by in a blur of feet and grass dimly seen through the bunch of blue cloth that i can't tear away from my face as i whisper, ?porque, porque sufres mi hijo? why do you suffer, my son?
la quinta estacion: Simon of Cyrene carries the cross.
the sixth station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus.
la septima estacion: Jesus falls the second time.
the eighth station: Jesus meets the weeping daughters of Jerusalem.
la novena estacion: Jesus falls the third time.
the tenth station: Jesus is stripped of his garments.
la undecima estacion: Jesus is nailed to the cross. crucified. the crowd is electrified. we women keep on weeping, weeping.
the twelfth station: Jesus dies on the cross.
la decimotercera estacion: Jesus' body is removed from the cross. and placed on MY LAP. "were you there when they crucified my Lord? oh sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble..."
the fourteenth station: Jesus is laid in the tomb and covered in incense.
INTENSE.
i had no idea it would be such an experience.
such an honor and such a penance.
may we all recognize and choose to walk the way of the cross in our lives.
may we take the chance,
may we walk, stand, sit, kneel, run, cry, dance
the way, because we know the story doesn't end there. see you on the path, amigos. ;)
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